You know that old song "Mama said there'd be days like this (there'd be days like this my mama said)"? Well, I had one of those days recently. I couldn't really tell you exactly what caused it. It could have been a lot of things. My neck has been bothering me a lot lately, and I had a touch of a head ache. The weather had been gloomy and cold. The hurtful words from the lady at the park were still sitting heavily on me, a friend said something thoughtless that I know she didn't mean the way it sounded, and there was another phone call that left things intended but not said that really hurt. So I was just feeling low.
The positive side of this was that I use to feel that way a lot. I battled with depression for years, and I never even realized that it went away... but obviously it did. I haven't felt that low in a long time, and the best way to classify it was depression. It wasn't stress, I'm use to stress. Stress doesn't make you feel the same way depression does. Depression zaps the life right out of you. It makes it so that all you want to do is lay down and do nothing. You don't want to be productive, you don't want to have to care about anything, you just want to be left alone. It's an awful feeling really. And it's intensified by the number of things that you know that you should be doing, but that you can't bring yourself to do...
When I finally dragged myself to my computer to think about doing something productive, I couldn't accomplish anything. I just sat and stared at the screen, wishing that I had some spiritual lesson that I could gleam from the crummy state that I was in. But nothing came. I tried bathing myself in the gospel, but it didn't seem to help. I tried counting my blessings, and praising God for all that He has done for me... still nothing. But you know the funniest thing happened. It seemed like the more I tried to dig myself out of the pit of depression, the deeper I seemed to get. So I stopped trying, and trusted that God would do it on His own... and He did. He's pretty amazing like that. After He had me feeling better through nothing that I could take credit for, He led me to Psalm 40. And I wanted to share it with you here:
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.
Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.
Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced;
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.
Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.
I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart.”
I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips,
as you know, O LORD.
I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.
Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect me.
For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.
Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.
May all who seek to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.
May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!”
be appalled at their own shame.
But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
“The LORD be exalted!”
Yet I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O my God, do not delay.
This week, I'm linking up with Word-Filled Wednesday over at Internet Cafe Devotions. Check it out for more Word-Filled posts by visiting: http://internetcafedevotions.com/