I have been really struggling lately. Really. It seems like I can't concentrate long enough to be productive at anything. I have been falling behind at work because I can't finish a complete thought. Between the constant "Mom. Mom. Mom," from my children, and the migraine that I have been battling for going on a month, I'm at a loss. It got so bad last week that I was almost ready to quit - just throw away everything that I have worked so hard for, and dreamed of. While any of you who have been reading my blog for a while know, most of my migraines are caused by chronic whiplash that I got several years ago, however, my chiropractor says that this one is probably caused by some stress going on in our family life. He says it is irritating my whiplash and the combination of the two is totally throwing me off my game. In other words, it's not a coincidence that the headaches started at the exact same time as every thing else... imagine that.
So I took the weekend off. I have two major projects due no later than Wednesday, and over a dozen smaller projects that I HAVE to finish up this month, and I took the weekend off... Was that a dumb move? Maybe, but my hope was that stepping away from part of the stress would help my head to stop throbbing - it didn't, but I am thinking just a bit clearer now. I'm confident (well, mostly) that will God's help I will meet all of my deadlines, and the stress in our family life will work itself out to the glory of God.
I guess that I should mention that part of my weekend off was helped along by a dear friend who volunteered to take the kids for a night - all four of them. She didn't get much sleep Saturday night and was ready for a nap when we picked them up on Sunday afternoon, but it was the first night I had had alone with Mr. Amazing since the twins were born (almost 5 years ago!). It was nice. We both had headaches, but it was still nice. Part of my (and him) felt guilty that I took the time off. With the kids gone there was great potential to get a ton done. But stepping back and just taking time to breath... well, that was worth it.
I was looking back, even just two years ago I was allowed lazy days. I didn't work from home back then... I did a lot of volunteer things, but when you volunteer you don't have as much to do, or deadlines with consequences. I spent a lot of time back then cleaning house and studying my Bible. Now I spend a lot of time working, a little time reading my Bible, and I clean a bit too. I thought my house was messy back then, I know it's messy now. But with all of the changes, I wouldn't change where I am for anything. Yes, I would gladly give up the headaches, and would love to have patient children, but despite all of that, I am blessed beyond measure. I have the opportunity to live my dream. No, it isn't easy, but it's worth it.
- I mentioned that with my headache I haven't been able to complete a thought... yeah, I just re-titled this post because I totally set out to write something else. Oops... At least you are a forgiving audience. :)