Mama Said...

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You know that old song "Mama said there'd be days like this (there'd be days like this my mama said)"? Well, I had one of those days recently. I couldn't really tell you exactly what caused it. It could have been a lot of things. My neck has been bothering me a lot lately, and I had a touch of a head ache. The weather had been gloomy and cold. The hurtful words from the lady at the park were still sitting heavily on me, a friend said something thoughtless that I know she didn't mean the way it sounded, and there was another phone call that left things intended but not said that really hurt. So I was just feeling low. 

The positive side of this was that I use to feel that way a lot. I battled with depression for years, and I never even realized that it went away... but obviously it did. I haven't felt that low in a long time, and the best way to classify it was depression. It wasn't stress, I'm use to stress. Stress doesn't make you feel the same way depression does. Depression zaps the life right out of you. It makes it so that all you want to do is lay down and do nothing. You don't want to be productive, you don't want to have to care about anything, you just want to be left alone. It's an awful feeling really. And it's intensified by the number of things that you know that you should be doing, but that you can't bring yourself to do...

When I finally dragged myself to my computer to think about doing something productive, I couldn't accomplish anything. I just sat and stared at the screen, wishing that I had some spiritual lesson that I could gleam from the crummy state that I was in. But nothing came. I tried bathing myself in the gospel, but it didn't seem to help. I tried counting my blessings, and praising God for all that He has done for me... still nothing. But you know the funniest thing happened. It seemed like the more I tried to dig myself out of the pit of depression, the deeper I seemed to get. So I stopped trying, and trusted that God would do it on His own... and He did. He's pretty amazing like that. After He had me feeling better through nothing that I could take credit for, He led me to Psalm 40. And I wanted to share it with you here:

I waited patiently for the LORD; 

   he turned to me and heard my cry. 

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 

   out of the mud and mire; 

he set my feet on a rock 

   and gave me a firm place to stand. 

He put a new song in my mouth, 

   a hymn of praise to our God. 

Many will see and fear 

   and put their trust in the LORD.

Blessed is the man 

   who makes the LORD his trust, 

who does not look to the proud, 

   to those who turn aside to false gods.

Many, O LORD my God, 

   are the wonders you have done. 

The things you planned for us 

   no one can recount to you; 

were I to speak and tell of them, 

   they would be too many to declare.

Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, 

   but my ears you have pierced; 

burnt offerings and sin offerings 

   you did not require. 

Then I said, “Here I am, I have come— 

   it is written about me in the scroll.

I desire to do your will, O my God; 

   your law is within my heart.”

I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly; 

   I do not seal my lips, 

   as you know, O LORD. 

I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; 

   I speak of your faithfulness and salvation. 

I do not conceal your love and your truth 

   from the great assembly.

Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; 

   may your love and your truth always protect me. 

For troubles without number surround me; 

   my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. 

They are more than the hairs of my head, 

   and my heart fails within me.

Be pleased, O LORD, to save me; 

   O LORD, come quickly to help me. 

May all who seek to take my life 

   be put to shame and confusion; 

may all who desire my ruin 

   be turned back in disgrace. 

May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!” 

   be appalled at their own shame. 

But may all who seek you 

   rejoice and be glad in you; 

may those who love your salvation always say, 

   “The LORD be exalted!”

Yet I am poor and needy; 

   may the Lord think of me. 

You are my help and my deliverer; 

   O my God, do not delay.

This week, I'm linking up with Word-Filled Wednesday over at Internet Cafe Devotions. Check it out for more Word-Filled posts by visiting: http://internetcafedevotions.com/

Update

I thought I would do a random list of updates...

*My migraines have returned. It started last Wednesday and is actually getting worse. It makes it really, really hard to concentrate, and homeschooling is difficult. We don't know what made my neck stiffen back up, but it did. My chiropractor was amazed at how much it had tensed up in such a short amount of time.

*The boys cooked breakfast this morning. The kids had pancakes.

*Even though I cut back on the number of blogs I'm following, this morning when I logged on there were so many that I struggled to read through them all. I did however, I just didn't leave very many comments... (sorry)

*My house is messy. I don't clean much when my head hurts, which makes me cranky because the messiness stresses me out, which probably makes my headaches even worse...

*Mr. Amazing is still amazing :)

*I'm eating my pancakes with a baby fork, because the dishes are all dirty and I haven't washed them yet... I will probably have the boys do it later. I don't like asking them to do things just because my head hurts, but they wash the dishes once a week even when I feel good, so maybe today will be that day? Maybe...

*I should probably shut my computer down and do something productive, but my head hurts and I don't wanna.

*I hope you are all having a great non-head-achy day :)

Writer's Workshop: Prompt #5

It's time for MamaKat's writer's workshop! This week there were so many great prompt's, but I just couldn't resist number 5. I know I have written quite a bit about thanksgiving already, and I will write some more about it later, but for now I will forget thanksgiving, and write about that time I fell down!

It was around 2 years ago on a cool winter morning, I opened my front door to carry my then one year old daughter out to the van. I took the first step down and that was the end... or was it the beginning? My daughter and I fell down the three cement steps in front of our home. I made sure to land so that she wasn't hurt but my elbow was throbbing and I couldn't get up. My oldest son just stood there looking at me as the tears started rolling down my face. I cried for him to go get his dad who was still in our room getting ready...I don't even remember where we were going, but I know we never went.

Paul came out and got Ella and took her in the house before coming to help me up, and back inside. The pain in my elbow was agonizing. We decided that it was best to take a trip to the doctor to make sure nothing was broken. We got a sitter, and headed out. The doctor rudely told me that I was fine, and said that they could give me a sling if I really thought I needed it. I couldn't move my arm without pain, so feeling like a big baby I accepted.

I wore the sling to the baby shower that I was now late for (a 2 hour wait at the doctors will do that to you), but I opted to take it off before going to work that night. I mean after all, it was all in my head right? No. The doctor called my husband that night to tell him that my elbow was cracked and I needed to come back in for further x-ray's to see how bad it really was. When I hung up with my husband I turned to my boss who asked me what my phone call was about. I simply told him I had a broken arm and got back to work. His face was comical, but my arm really did hurt. I never did go back to the doctor, after the way I had been treated earlier, I thought if it wasn't bad enough for them to see on the first x-ray then it must not be too bad, and I would just let it heal.

Later that week was when the real pain started. I woke up unable to move my head. My neck throbbed. I tried to go about my day, but it wasn't easy. At one point in time I went to lay down on the couch and got half way leaned back when the pain over took me and I fell the rest of the way. I was stuck. My neck hurt so bad I couldn't get off the couch. I had two babies sleeping in the other room, and my husband and the boys weren't home. I was terrified. By the grace of God my husband got home before the girls awoke and helped me off of the couch.

This pain lasted several days before it started to subside. I thought I was healing, and someone, somewhere, at sometime told me there was nothing you could do to treat whiplash, so I didn't go to the doctor, after all, I was healing right? Wrong!

The headaches started about a month later. At first I would just get a slight headache that would last for a day and then it would be gone. For someone not prone to headaches I thought this was horrible. Looking back, it would be like comparing a skinned knee to a broken bone. My headaches grew in intensity and severity. They started lasting for weeks at a time. I couldn't focus on anything.

I went to the eye doctor thinking I needed glasses, I didn't. I have never been so crushed to hear that I have amazing eye sight. Something was wrong with me and I wanted to know what. My mother-in-law kept telling me that my headaches started about the same time I had fallen, and I kept not listening to her. My head hurt, and I couldn't figure out how a broken elbow could have caused that.

Then it finally happened. I came down with the flew and when it was over I couldn't stand up without feeling like my head was either going to be ripped in half or explode... or maybe both? It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. We got me to the doctor who ordered an MRI, this came back with nothing. I mentioned that my mother-in-law thought it had to do with my fall, so they x-rayed my neck. I had severe whiplash. My doctor proscribed me this highly addictive, crazy side effect, insanely horrible pain medicine and said that a trip (as in one or two visits) to the chiropractor would heal me! Woo Hoo!

For any of you who have ever had chiropractor care, you should know that was the biggest line of who ha ever. My husband recommended his old chiropractor to me and I have been seeing him now for close to 3 months. I am off the stupid pills (really, they interfered with my ability to think clearly, and if I forgot to take them they caused insane withdraw headaches so I couldn't think at all). I am doing so much better, and well on my way down the road to recovery. All of this just from a one fatal step. One slip on the ice.

One small step for me, one major change in my body.

Thankful Thursday

On this wonderful thankful Thursday I am thankful for my Chiropractor, Dr. Jeff Cartwright. I have only been going to him for around 3 weeks, and already I am feeling so much better! I have just finished weaning myself off of the medication that my doctor had put me on to prevent my migraines. I do have a terrible withdrawal headache, but in all honesty I am thankful for that too. I am thankful that it means that there will be no more drugs in my body and that I am healing. I am also thankful that it will be my last withdrawal headache, as I have had one each time I cut my dose down. I am thankful that God has provided the means for me to be able to get this help, and that my body is reacting so well to it. They haven't done a re-exam yet to know exactly how much damage is left (it's only been 3 weeks!) so I don't know exactly where I am as far as healing goes, but I do know that I feel better, I don't need the drugs to keep the migraines at bay, and I am SOO thankful for that! God is so good!

Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. -- 3 John 1:2


Dr. Jeff Cartwright




To read more Thankful Thursday posts visit this months wonderful host Lynn at her blog: Spiritually Unequal Marriage.

Thankful Thursday!

Today I am thankful for so many things!

I am thankful for good friends whose words spark ideas that they never intended! You see almost 2 years ago now, I slipped on some ice and fell down the stairs in front of my old house while carrying one of my daughters. Thankfully she wasn't hurt. I cracked my elbow, not bad, the urgent care doctor actually missed it, and they had to call me later to tell me that it really was cracked and I wasn't just being a baby. However, within a day or two it was painfully obvious that I also had whiplash. My neck hurt worse than I ever thought possible. I remember lying down on the couch and not being able to get back up because of the pain in my neck. It was horrid! I never went back to the doctor though. Somewhere in my life I heard someone say that there is nothing doctors can do for whiplash... I don't know if I imagined it, or what, but I truly believed this, so I never went back to the doctor. The ladies at my Bible study prayed over me, and after a few weeks the pain in my neck was gone, and I went back to living a normal life.

Since then I have been suffering from migraines off and on, and they had been growing increasingly worse last spring until they were completely incapacitating. My mother-in-law kept telling me that I started getting them after I fell down the stairs and they must be related. So when I finally went to the doctor I told them what she said, and they found that my migraines are being caused by my whiplash that is still there, and rather severe. So they put me on medication and suggested I see a chiropractor. I am very thankful for my mother-in-laws words, because otherwise we might have never found the cause of my migraines.

I am also thankful for my mother-in-law because we would never be able to afford chiropractic care that isn't covered by our insurance. She sent us a check to cover the payments so that I could go and get the treatment I need. She is such a blessing!

I have not yet been to see the chiropractor. The end of the summer was so busy, it just wasn't possible. So I still have whiplash, and lately my neck has started hurting really badly. I couldn't figure out why! For a year and a half it hasn't hurt, and now it is hurting again? That didn't make since! So I mentioned it to a friend, and she thought it might be related to homeschooling. We just started homeschooling 3 weeks ago for the first time, and she thought that it might be straining my muscles more than they were use to. I don't think that's it, but I really think she was on the right path. So I am very thankful for her words because they made me think!

What has changed? I use to keep my hair short...really short. But the last time I had it cut was Christmas. I had decided to grow it out. I have very thick, heavy hair, and I think it is putting more strain on my neck than it is use to. The pain in my neck is growing progressively worse, because my hair keeps getting longer and heavier, causing my neck to work harder... I would have never thought about this without my friends words, even though they were unrelated, I am ever so thankful!

So today I am going to get my hair chopped off! I am thankful for my neighbor who has volunteered to come and watch the children for me while I go to the salon.

I am so thankful today!