Childhood Memories

What's your favorite childhood memory?

If you asked me, it would depend on your definition of childhood. When I was 6 and under it was spending time with my grandpa. All my memories with him are great ones. He would take us to the corner store and buy us ice cream and bubble gum. We would visit him at his meat locker and have coffee break with him (you know, 80% milk, 10% sugar, and 10% coffee). We would ride bikes around the town square - him on his adult tricycle and me with my training wheels side-by-side. He was an artist, so we would paint pictures together (or he would make me think I was helping anyways) and watch Bob Ross. He was constantly spouting off this one poem that annoyed me to no end at the time - but I would give anything to remember the words now.

Fast forward to my high school years, my favorite memory would actually be the summer before my junior year in high school. I had the best friend a girl could dream of, we did everything together. She lived 30 miles away, but I would pick her up for Sunday night church and youth group on Wednesdays and we spent a ton of time together. We went swimming in her pond, got my car stuck in the mud on a dirt road, and stayed up all night talking about everything - including my dislike of peas. We were like two peas in a pod - only I liked it.

So all of this reminiscing has made me wonder what my children will remember when they grow up. Will they remember grandparents that would travel any distance just to spend time with them? Family camping trips? The hikes that we use to go on in Colorado? Will their favorite memory be Wednesday night youth group? Reading books together before bed? Or the times when they are free from their parents as I have heard from so many others I've talked to?

I know that I can't control their favorite memories, but I can do my best to make sure that they grow up with good memories. I'm far from the perfect mother, but one of the things I love most about my family is that we know we love each other and God. And that reminds me of a YouTube video by Voddie Baucham called "Creating A Godly Legacy" apparently in the 3 years since I last watched it it has been removed from YouTube - sad - but I was able to pull up the outline in an online search. You can download it here. And then I found the DVD and went ahead and bought it too (I love tax return time).

Life Happens

I've been busy lately. Besides the mounds of work that I have to work through, I've been trying to make sure that work doesn't consume my life, and that only appears to make me even busier. My dad and little brother came to visit us last weekend, which was tons of fun, and the week before the kids had vacation Bible school. I always loved VBS as a kid, although I don't remember much other then the fun, it brought me tears of joy listening to the boys retell the parables that they learned during the week. The theme was "Things Hidden" and the children learned about the unseen things of God - like His kingdom and eternity. 


Honestly, I had an entire post planned out about one of the parables that they recounted to me. There was just something about listening to it from the perspective of a child that I wanted to share... but then life happened, and while I'm sure I will remember later, I can't for the life of me get my thoughts together now.

Ty's schooling is still up in the air for next year. Mr. Amazing is going to call the district tomorrow and see if he can get any answers that they wouldn't give me when I tried in the spring. Depending on how that goes, we should be making a final decision soon. It will be good to know what direction we will be going so that I can stop thinking about all of the possibilities and focus on just one. I'm leaning heavily towards public online school if he hasn't been accepted into the school we are still waiting to hear from.

Have I mentioned on this blog that I'm working on a new book? I can't remember. You can learn more about it on my other blog at: http://authorheatherhart.blogspot.com/2012/06/faith-talk.html I'm posting updates on it as I go over there, if you're interested.


Well, despite my mindless chattering, I really do have work to do... I'd best get to it!

Twins!

After another blogger recently posted about their twins, a friend of mine suggested that I do the same. So here is my Twin post, based off of the original posters format:


What was your twin pregnancy like?

To sum it up in two words: Long and Short. It was long because I suffer from terrible morning sickness each time I'm pregnant, and it started super early with the twins, lasted pretty much my entire pregnancy, and was even worse then it was with my singletons. Besides the morning sickness, there were the increased number of doctors visits. All twin pregnancies are considered high-risk, which meant my doctor had me coming in so often that I almost felt like I was there more than I was at work. And to top it all off, I started having consistent contractions at around 32 weeks, they increased in frequency and intensity until at 34 weeks I was having them every three minutes, which lasted two more weeks until I finally delivered at 36 weeks. 

How did you choose names for them?

We had originally picked out one boy name and one girl name when we found out I was pregnant. As it went for all of our kids, I chose the first name, and my husband chose the middle name. When we found out it was twin girls, we split in half and I named baby A (Ella Elizabeth) and he named baby B (Alexa Vivian).

Do they sleep together, or apart?

Together. When they were itty-bitty, they shared a bassinet, but eventually they grew out of that and while they each had their own crib, they shared a room. After they grew out of their cribs they shared a King size bed for about a year, and finally they now have a bunk bed. 

Did you feed them simultaneously?

Okay, don't judge me, but - I have never been successful at breastfeeding. I tried and tried and tried, and my kids could never latch on. For my first son they ended up giving me a breast shield that helped make it easier, but for the rest of the kids they wouldn't. With the twins I wasn't producing enough milk for them anyway, so I ended up pumping so I could measure the amount of milk they were getting so I would know how much formula I needed to supplement                 with. It wasn't easy, but it worked.

Do you dress them matching?

Despite the wonderful people who love buying them matching outfits, we rarely - if ever - dress them alike. They are two individual people, and we have always wanted them to develop their own personalities and tastes. 

How do you afford purchasing multiples items? 

By God's provision. We had lots of people give us their old baby stuff or purchase items for us. Thankfully we still had the high chair and crib from our singletons so that cut down on some of the bigger expenses. We also didn't have two of everything. We only had on baby bouncer, and really only of our girls liked it anyway. We did have two swings, but only one bassinet (as I said, they shared it when they were tiny). 

How did you tell them apart?

Generally this wasn't hard for us since they weren't identical, but for anyone who wasn't around them very often, Alexa was always identified as the one without any hair, as Ella was born with a head full of hair and Alexa didn't have anything more than peach fuzz for about 2 years.

Photos and a video of the twins:

Birthday Photos

Birth

1

2

3

4

Videos

Reading a book

On the slide

Schools Out for Summer!

Yesterday was the boy's last day of school for the year, and I couldn't be more thankful! As much as I know that we did what God called us to do, I was never really thrilled about having them in that school. It's a blessing to have them home, to watch them play with the girls. It still feels kind of like a Saturday, but just knowing that it is lasting, not a one day break from reality is pure sweetness.

Here's a few pictures from the school year:

On a side note -
I just finished writing my latest book and am looking for a few wonderful authors who might consider reviewing it for me. Here's the scoop:

As much as we don’t want to hear it, book marketing is a huge part of becoming a successful author. Yet many authors don’t know how to go about it or even where to start. I don’t know where you are in your publishing journey, you might have been published for years but have always struggled with the marketing side of things or you could still be working on your first book and wanting to get a head start on promoting it, either way this book is bound to have something in it that will help you out.

Giving a detailed overview of book marketing from beginning to end, this book is designed to give authors the information they need to attack marketing head on and start successfully selling their books.  

 If you're interested you can leave a comment here or e-mail me at: authorassistant@hotmail.com

An Imperfect Parent

I don't know about you, but I am far from perfect - especially when it comes to being a parent. That's why I like the words on the above photo. No matter how much I fail as a mother, God will still provide for my children. Their salvation isn't up to me. Yes, I have been called to be their mother and to teach them in the way they should go, but when I fail, God's grace covers me, and them.

I don't know if you're anything like me, but that's definitely a reminder that I need to hear more often.

I'm linking up with Word-Filled Wednesday over at Internet Cafe Devotions. 

Check it out for more Word-Filled posts by visiting: http://internetcafedevotions.com/

Teaching Hearts

“‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.’”

~ Matthew 15:8-9

I read through the book of Matthew earlier this week, and God taught me so much! One of the things that I caught my attention was the above verses. Those are some pretty powerful and scary words! It really made me think about the way I teach my children. Am I teaching them to honor God with their lips and not their hearts? Am I teaching them to worship God in vain, simply obeying the rules of men? 

Whenever I start to reflect on my parenting, I always think back to my own mother. I had one of the most amazing moms in the world, but my childhood was far from perfect. Yes we went to church, but God wasn't the focus of my upbringing. Therefore, it's really hard for me to make sure that He is the center of my children's upbringing. I am an avid reader, but it's one thing to read about biblical parenting in a book, and another to actually experience it. 

I will never forget the little girl that was baptized last year. She had such an amazing understanding of the Gospel that it blew me away. Her mother is an amazing Christian woman, who I'm sure devotes her entire day to teaching her children and bringing them up in the ways of the Lord. I spent weeks wishing that I could be a fly on the wall in her house for just a day. I longed to learn how to be that mother - because I'm not. 

I'm amazingly thankful for a certain blog that reminds me that it's okay to fail. That being a perfect parent isn't required and that God is more powerful than our parenting failures. Just to remember that while I might fall insanely short of bringing my children up to fear the Lord, that God can still save them. Even the most wonderful parenting in the world can't save the souls of my children, only God can - and He can save them despite my parenting. 

Don't get me wrong, I still long to teach my children how wonderful my Savior is. I want them to know of His unfailing love, and to cultivate their hearts for Him. So much so that I contacted my pastor this week to see about getting a Titus 2 mentor. I had one last spring, but our schedules didn't mesh well, and it just didn't work out. 

While I long for my children to obey, I want them to do so because they want to - not because they have to. I want my children to know of our heavenly Father's love, but not just know what it is, but to actually experience it! I just seem to flounder when it comes to actually teaching them. Thankfully, I have God's Word, and God's grace, so no matter how many times I fail, no matter how horrible of a job I do, God is still God, and at the end of the day, He still loves me, and has the ability to save my children despite of me. 

I'm linking up with Word-Filled Wednesday over at Internet Cafe Devotions. 

Check it out for more Word-Filled posts by visiting: http://internetcafedevotions.com/

Fancy Shoes

Mr. Amazing had Friday off last week, and as always we planned to spend the day together running errands and just enjoying each others company. So as I always do on his days off, I spent a little bit more time getting ready in the morning. My choice for clothing was one of the outfits that he loves the most, a cute denim skirt and a neat top that I got off a clearance rack, and I completed the outfit with some really cute high-heeled sandals. I should note that these are some of the cutest shoes that I own, and this is the only outfit that they really go with. So, my husband loved it, it was modest yet stylish, and great for the shopping and stuff that we were planning to do.

And off we went. We ran most of our errands and then the girls asked if we could go to a play ground. Being the parents that we are, we of course said yes. We found a nearby park that had lots of equiptment. There were a few other moms their with their kiddos, but that just provides playmates for the girls so we weren't concerned. Ella needed to go potty. On the way to the bathroom, one of the other moms called over her shoulder to me "Mom's got cute shoes, but their not park shoes. You definitely can't play in the sand in those baby's." I was a bit speechless, but just smiled at her and kept walking - I did have a little girl in need of a potty after all. I tried to blow it off, but the comment just didn't sit right with me. On the way back over to the equipment, my dearest Ella took off running to her dad. I wasn't in a hurry, but was enjoying the warm weather and the break from my daughters over enthusiastic chatter when the same mom looked over and said, "Yeah, you can't even run in them." Then she turned to her own little boy and said loudly, "She can't even run after her daughter because she has fancy shoes on."

The comment hurt. Part of me wanted to say that I could if I wanted to. In fact, I had ran earlier that day just for fun as we were going into a store because my daughter wanted me to. I just didn't feel like it at the time. But I didn't. I just smiled and kept walking. I reached Mr. Amazing and our little girls, just as Alexa decided that she wanted to go over to where Ella and I had been (to the toddler portion of the equipment), so I went back with her. It was then that I noticed that every other mom that was there was in sweats. Not that that was a bad thing, but obviously there was a huge difference in the way that we looked. I started to wonder if that's what caused the comments from the lady in the pink sweats. I was the only one who had done anything other then throw my hair into a pony tail that morning. Of course I did this because my Mr. was home, but it obviously made me stick out. I was also the mom at the park that was accompanied by her husband. Being that it was a Friday, I'm certain that this was because all of their husbands have these glamorous 9-5 jobs and they work Monday - Friday each week and get the weekends off. That's not a luxury that we have in my home, but that's okay.

Anyway! The pink sweats lady's comments left me feeling uncomfortable, like I was less of a mom because I wasn't wearing park clothing. I almost felt the need to stand up and give a speech explaining to everyone there that we weren't really planning on going to the park that day, and that this was pretty much the closest thing that I would have to a date with my husband for a couple of months and that I dressed for him. But that would have been silly. I didn't need to justify myself to them. I was doing what God had called me to do. To be a wife, and to honor my husband. I'm not less of a mom because I took my daughter's to the park when I wasn't wearing park shoes. If anything, I'm more of a mom for not telling them no because I was wearing inappropriate shoes. But the real take-a-way that I believe God showed me through all of this, is that when we honor Him, when we live our lives for Christ, we should stick out. I don't know the spiritual state of any of the moms that were at the park, but the clothing choices left me with a great analogy. Just like I stuck out in my denim skirt and fancy shoes, so the believer should stick out when they are among a group of non-believers. Sticking out might make us uncomfortable at times, and people might make comments, but we have to lead the life that God has called us to live, especially when we stand out.

2 Timothy 4:2

Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.

~ 2 Timothy 4:2

I was writing down the above verse earlier, and just as I got to the last part about doing it all with great patience and careful instruction my daughter, who had been doing a lot of playing instead of finishing her supper, knocked over her glass of water. Well, I didn't have great patience, and it certainly wasn't careful instruction that I snapped at her... It's ironic how things like that work. I was writing the verse down because it was so powerful to me, and I really wanted to work at applying it to my life, but even before I finished penning it down, I had already abandoned the message. 

God's Word has so much to say about patience and gentleness, I'm pretty sure that that's because of the fact that sinful human nature is the exact opposite. But the Bible does lead me to believe that it is possible.  So today, I want to ask you: How do you keep your cool? How do you develop great patience and respond with careful instruction instead of with harsh reactions?

Earlier this week I mentioned that I got some new books in the mail, one being "Uprooting Anger" by Robert D. Jones. I'm hoping that that helps with both of those things, because patience seems to be the opposite of angry reactions... 

Any thoughts?

Spring Break Re-Cap

Spring break was AWESOME! I have the best in-laws EVER, and I love Texas. I almost have Mr. Amazing convinced to move there. If he had a job offer in the area, we would be there in a heartbeat (prayers appreciated!). But, we're back in Colorful Colorado now, and I really do love it here too...

We kept our tradition of stopping in Kansas to visit Dorthy's house and the Land of Oz. 

Above is a picture of our little munchkins. :)

And that's a picture of the beautiful Texas sunset that we got to watch as we drove to our finial destination. 

Granny got permission from the neighbors to let the kids jump on their trampoline. This was a hit.

Daddy and Grandpa took the kids fishing. I sat and watched. 

Okay, watching them fish got pretty boring, so I picked up sea shells instead. They were EVERYWHERE.

No one caught anything, but they still had fun... and I have a TON of sea shells :)

We played Frisbee

...and Croquet

...and lots of board games.

On Sunday the kids carried palm branches in at Granny and Grandpa's church.

And we took lots and lots and lots and lots of pictures

Our big happy family

In conclusion. We had the time of our lives, and I wish it never had to end. But, I'm home now, and dreaming of Texas once again. 

Are you thankful for your children?

Well, are you?

Of course most moms will answer yes without even thinking about it, but I want you to actually take a moment and really think about it. When was the last time you told them you were thankful for them? When was the last time that you thanked God for them?

At Bible study a couple of weeks ago, we learned a bit about thankfulness - and I am so thankful! Our fabulous leader posed the question "what does thankfulness look like in your prayers?" and I must admit, I came up lacking in one strong area. You see, I thank God for being God all of the time. I thank Him for my salvation and for my amazing husband... but to be honest, I don't spend a lot of time thanking him for my children.

I really am thankful for the 4 little blessings that God has bestowed upon me, just as I'm sure you really are thankful for yours. I just don't seem to express that thankfulness very often. Our Bible study leader suggested that this is because we are pickers. We tend to pick at people and their shortcomings, rather then spend time cultivating our attitude of gratitude - and she's right (well, at least about me). One of my dear friends and sister in Christ said that we should "pick a little, praise a lot", and I really liked that. Do you think that my anger issues that I spoke about earlier this week could stem from a lack of thankfulness? I do.

So today, my goal is to praise God for my children more than I work on improving them. Every time I catch them being bad, or need to teach them how to do something right, my goal is to also to take a moment to thank God for bringing them into my life and for continuing to shape them into the people that He plans for them to be. Will you join me?

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. 

~ Colossians 4:2

The Problem Solver

As a mom of twin 4 year olds, it seems like one of the things I do most often is solve problems. I'm sure other moms can relate easily to this. But let me give you a few examples: When Alexa needs to go to the bathroom, she runs to me practically in tears and tells me that she needs to pee. My response: Well, go to the bathroom. She does, and voila: problem solved. When Ella get's cold, she comes to me to tell me. What do I do? I tell her to get a blanket, or put her clothes back on. She does, and voila: problem solved. We have a limited number of bowls in our house (only enough for one meal for the whole family) so when the boys come to me before the dishes have been washed and tell me they need a clean bowl, I tell them to wash one. They do and voila: problem solved. - Do you see a trend here?

What I see as common since, the kids are still just learning. Solving most child sized problems is easy for most adults. They have problems that we have lived through, problems that we have dealt with in the past, or still cope with today (like needing clean dishes and going to the bathroom - we just don't see them as problems any longer).

I pondered on that today as I solved problem after problem, but instead of thinking about how frustrating it was that I was solving the same problems over and over and over again, my mind drifted to my heavenly father. I wonder if He ever does that for me. When I come to Him in prayer because I have a problem, does He ever shake His head and wonder when I will ever learn that if I need to pee I should just go to the bathroom: If I'm worried about the things of the world that I should just cast my anxieties on Him?

Moreover, my children think of me as their ultimate problem solver. Have a problem? Mom can help! But do I think of God that way? Do I trust Him with that childlike faith that trusts that He possesses all of the answers to any problem that I may run into? ...Do you?

Sanctification Multiplication

"But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen."

~2 Peter 3:18

As any mother of small children can testify: children never become perfect. We don't just suddenly wake up one day with perfect, well-mannered, sinless children. Instead, they simply progress from one area of imperfection to another. While our children may no longer be biting one another, they move into the stage of talking back. When they get past that stage, they start doing something else. They, like us, will never be perfect. 

I had an amazing book recommended to me a few weeks ago by a friend. It's called "Loving the Little Years" by Rachel Jankovic, and while I was originally put off by how amazingly short it is, it holds some very powerful truths. This being one of them. Rachel relates our children's progression in growing up and moving from one sinful deed to another, to basic math. I just love the picture that paints. You can never know everything there is to know about mathematics. While when we are little we learn how to count and that 1+1=2, in our spiritual walk we have to first learn who Jesus is and what He has done before we can move into the spiritual trigonometry of living out our Christian walk. 

I guess that my favorite take away from all of this is that we have to teach our children to count today so that they will be able to face the later courses of algebra, geometry, and trigonometry with a leg to stand on. That doesn't mean that they won't struggle or fail (because we all do some of the time), it just means that they will have a foundation. A starting place, and a place to come back to when needed. 

What Are You Teaching?

Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

~Psalm 34:11

This verse is one that I know well, but recently when I was reading it, God used it to convict me. He made me stop and think about the question this verse asks:

Am I teaching my children to fear the Lord, or am I teaching them how to be sinful human beings?

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself that question? I honestly don't think that I have. I have thought about the answer off and on. How I fail to teach them, or how I think I have done well. But never just the question itself. 


Such a powerful question, has multiple answers. Yes, I read my kids the Bible. They love going to church. We pray before meals, and before bed each night. But teaching them about God, isn't the same as teaching them the fear of the Lord. Not even close. One is head knowledge, the other comes from the heart. What is my heart telling them? 


Defiantly a powerful thought to meditate on.

Self-image

This is a modified version of a devotion that I wrote for the website FindYourTrueBeauty.com:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

~Genesis 1:27

This is one of those verses that seems to just keep popping up everywhere I turn. And every time someone has referred to it, they have been referring to our self-esteem and the self-image we have of ourselves as humans. I guess that for me at least, it’s easiest to remember that God made mankind out of the dust of the ground then it is to remember that He created us in His image. 

I think as humans, we tend to beat ourselves up too much, and I’m sure Satan just has a hay day when we are too busy beating ourselves up to be of any use to Christ. Satan enjoys it when we look at ourselves and all we see is a pile of dirt, when we can't get past our failures, or what we see as imperfections. But that isn’t what God sees. God created us in HIS own image, that means that when God looks at us, He see's Himself. We were created in the image of God! How awesome is that?! So why is it that we can’t see past the materials used in creation to the final product? 

As a mom, one of the examples that I keep coming back to is a picture that one of my kids drew for me. My child was the creator of that picture. He can tell me exactly what he sees when he looks at it, and he can tell 100 other people the exact same thing. But none of us really sees what he sees. We might see colors and possibly some shapes, not the giant dragon with the pointy tail that is standing there looking back at us. Obviously God's a much more talented creator than my son was 2 years ago when he drew that picture, but I don't think the problem is the creator. I think that it is us that can't see past the materials used. When I looked at my sons picture, I saw crayon scribbles on white paper. When we look in the mirror, we have to look past the dust, past the physical medium, to the masterpiece that God created.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You can get the actual devotion for free in your e-mail by signing up at http://www.teen-beauty-tips.com/free-teen-devotionals.html

Ministry Month: Mom's In Touch

I cannot tell you how thankful I am for Mom's In Touch International (And for the mom who told me about it a few weeks back!).

The goal of Mom's In Touch is to have a group of mothers praying for every school around the world. Groups of women get together for 1 hour each week, just to pray for the schools that their children go to. There are groups for individual schools, community groups, and groups for homeschooler's. I am just extremely impressed by this ministry!

When praying with MITI(Mom's In Touch International-pronounced Mighty), moms follow the four steps of prayer: Praising God for who He is, Confessing our sins, Thanking God for what He has done (or is doing), and then Interceding for children, schools and MITI.

There isn't a group for the school that the boys go to yet, I am considering starting one if God brings me another mom to pray with. However, for the time being I am praying by myself. So, while it is a rule that what is prayed in a MITI prayer group stays in the prayer group, since I don't have a group yet, I did blog about my first prayer time, you can read that post here. Or if you would like to watch a short video that outlines the group prayer time, here is the one featured on their website:


If you have a child in public school, I cannot recommend this ministry enough! Even if you don't have a child in public school, our kids need all the prayer they can get!

Changing vs. Squelching...

It's Mr. Monday again here at Servant, Wife, Mother, and one of the things that has been heavy on my heart this week is the topic of changing vs. squelching. Very few people remain the same forever. We grow, we change, we mature and develop. We learn to like different things. I would hazard a guess that less than half of you like the same things today as you did when you graduated high school. The same goes for our Mr.'s. However, somethings don't change, instead they get trampled.

This was brought home hard one day this week when Mr. Amazing came home from work late. He had to be at work early the next morning and doesn't normally eat supper on nights like that. However he was hungry. One little thing you need to know about my Mr. is that he LOVE's simple food. He would be in heaven if I served hot dogs for lunch and hamburger helper for supper every single day. So, I tossed some hot dogs in the microwave and called it good. Now, I mentioned that he loves hot dogs, however, he gently reminded me that he doesn't love his hot dogs microwaved. :( He prefers them boiled then seared on the stove top. I knew this. I really did. However, the kids prefer the quickness that comes from the microwave. When I boil them for the children, I get groans and they stand in the kitchen longingly staring at the stove.

The whole situation made me start to wonder how many other things have been being squelched. I remembered when we were dating all of his dishes were Coca-Cola themed. If you look in our cabinets now, you will only find a handful of those dishes. The rest have been broken and replaced with more durable, plastic, dinnerware. Does he still like Coca-Cola themed plates? I'm sure he does.

I know that he also still loves his old '82 Supra that is parked in our driveway but never driven. That car was his heart and soul for as long as I can remember. He LOVES it. In fact, I think he use to love it more than me, but he's grown past that un-healthy car love. Since the time that he replaced it with a bigger vehicle (with more seats), it has had a tree fall on it, and one of our daughters has rubbed some of the now oxidized paint off of it. He doesn't complain, but I know that it is something he cares about.

So for Mr. Monday this week, I would love to hear about some of the things that have changed in your husband since you started dating or got married. Is there anything that hasn't changed but has been squelched by kids, marriage, or life? How can we stop squelching, and start nurturing?

Thoughts anyone?

We Cried Today

Today has not been a great day. I had it all planned out so that it would go smoothly, but nothing ever really goes as planned. I got up at 5 so that I would have time to shower and spend some time with God before the kids got up, except the girls both got up at 5:05. And they were cranky. They followed me around whining all morning. Then, when I was helping Alexa with something, Ella went upstairs and woke up her brothers. Who really didn't need to get up at 5:45 on their first day of school. By the time we left I was feeling defeated.

At the school, the heath teacher remembered the boys from when they were there two years ago. She was talking to them, and Ty informed her that he hated homeschooling. It was a smack in the face for me. He has always hated school. He hated public school and he hated homeschooling, I knew that. But just to have him say it aloud to someone who doesn't know the whole story hurt.

Kainen has the same teacher for first grade that Ty had. I'm not thrilled about that. She is super nice, but she doesn't believe in answering questions directly. She want's children to figure things out for themselves. So when the giant elf visited their class and the kids asked if it was real, she wouldn't tell them no. After school when Ty and I went in there because he had told me that she said it was indeed real, she still refused to tell him that it was just someone dressed as an elf. Of course, Ty idolized her and believed her over me.

Ty's new teacher seemed really nice. I liked her. I did find out that the boys will eat breakfast at school, so I don't need to feed them in the morning before we leave. This will let them sleep a little longer, but I will have to re-figure our morning routine and change the checklists that I made and laminated for them.

After meeting the teachers, the boys headed out to the playground, and Ella cried. She didn't understand why she wasn't allowed to stay with her brothers or why they couldn't come home with us. I never thought about how hard this would be for her. Alexa didn't care, but Ella cried, so I cried. We cried and walked back to the van together. Ella cried all the way home, I carried her into the house and she sat on the couch and cried for the next hour. It broke my heart.

After such a stressful morning, I would love nothing more than to take a nap, but with as tired as the girls are, they are refusing to sit still. I'm planning on giving them a bath and hoping that they will lay down after they are clean.

Pray for us. We need it.

Through the tears

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: ~ Ecc. 3:1

I wrote a few days ago about surrendering. I realized that I was trying to live life on my own, and accomplish everything FOR God instead of THROUGH God. It has really been eye opening how stubborn and prideful I am, but God is working on me. One of the biggest things that God has laid on my heart has to do with homeschooling. I love homeschooling! With every fiber of my being it is something that I want to do. However, it doesn't work well in my family. There are multiple reasons, that I really don't feel like going over again right now. You'll just have to trust me on that. I have been fighting to continue teaching my children at home more than I have actually been teaching them. It's exhausting. God has really just laid it on my heart that I have to surrender my children to Him. I can't keep them to myself thinking that I'm the only possible hope they have for become Christ followers. God doesn't NEED me. He is more than capable of saving them even if they attend public school.

Do I think everyone should put their kids into public school? By NO means. I would prefer that the entire world homeschooled actually, and that includes my family. But that isn't practical, and it really isn't up to me. Each family has to do what God has planned for them.

I also want to mention that I am not advocating my parental responsibility to teach my children. The Bible does call us to teach our children, so I will still be working with them at home after school and some on Saturdays. We will still read the Bible together, pray, and do Bible studies. I'm just letting the public school take over their secular education (although I would rather not).

Today we went to the school to drop off their enrollment packets. I cried. The kids cheered at the thought of seeing their old friends, and I cried.

I knew when I first realized that I wasn't entirely surrendering my life to Christ that things would change, and not all of the changes would be easy, but I must admit this one is probably the hardest for me. I have to choose to trust that God knows what is best for our family, and trust Him with my children. God sent His Son into the sinful world, surely I can trust Him enough to send my children into the public school system.

On those tear drops, I will be unfollowing most of the blogs about homeschooling, and probably editing my Facebook friends as well. Not because I love you, your blogs or homeschooling any less, but because this is really painful for me, and I'm trying to cut back the salt in the wounds so to speak. I hope you will forgive me, I will understand if you unfollow me back.

30 Days of Thankfulness

Sonya, over at Becoming a Strong Woman of God, is hosting blog challenge during the month of November:

-The challenge:
to be thankful for every gift that the Lord has given you, and to teach your children simple ways to be thankful.
-The goal:
to learn to be thankful for the smallest things and see God all around us as we move through each day.
-The hope:
what is learned and observed during this challenge will have a lasting effect on our thankfulness.

Would you consider joining us on this journey? Hop on over to Sonya's blog:

Servant, Wife, Mother

It's funny how easily priorities get mixed up. As a mom of young kids, it's essential to take care of your children. However, I have also found, that if you put your children first in your life, life seems to get completely out of hand, and quick. It seems like every time I look around and see my life in utter chaos, it's because my priorities are mixed up. I'm either thinking about myself too much, or trying to be the perfect parent.

On day's like that, it's good to come back to my target priorities. First and foremost, I need to be a servant of Christ. If my walk with God isn't right, nothing will be. I can't be a good mother, or a good wife, or even a good person if I'm neglecting my heavenly Father.

Likewise, I can't be a good mother to my children if I'm not being a good wife to my husband. My children see the way that my husband and I interact, they see the way that we treat one another. Not only do they mimic that behavior towards each, and us, they will also mimic that behavior in their own marriages years down the road.

Next comes my children. I have no business volunteering for ministry work, if I have not taken care of my children. Someone once said that the biggest mission field you can ever serve in, is your own home. Think about it. If I raise my children to love and honor Christ, then they will go out into the world and share that with others. I can reach more people by properly raising the four of them, then I ever could on my own.

After those three things are in there proper places, then I can use what is left to serve Christ outside of my home. I can use the love that God has given me to serve my community. You might have noticed that I left myself out of that equation. I did that on purpose. The Bible says that we are to die to ourselves. Everything that I do should be for the glory of Christ. Not for myself. The best thing I can do for myself, is to grow closer to God. To give more of myself up, to live for Him.