The question asked was how to deal with difficult in-laws. While I have never had to deal with that personally, my sister's first marriage was ruined by her overbearing mother-in-law, so I know what kind of an effect they can have on your marriage. I am a firm believer that in a Christian marriage the husband should leave his mother and father to be joined together with his wife. If your husband isn't willing to leave his mother to support you, your marriage won't work. That was the case with my sister's marriage. Her husband put his mother first, and her second. She couldn't take that, and to be quite frank, I don't know if I would be able to either. You can't become one with your spouse, if you are constantly being shoved to the side to cater to his mom. Regardless of where your husband stands, when we get married, we are agreeing to be our husbands helpers. Which means that we need to help him in whatever he desires (as long as it is in line with God's word). I think I mentioned this a few weeks ago. If our husbands goal is to help his mother, ours should be too. While our in-laws don't always make this easier, it is our duty as wives. We have to ask God for guidance, grace and peace. In the end, I think when we have difficult in-laws, it's important to remember Matthew 19:36. It might be impossible to love them and get along with them on our own, but with God all things are possible.
Even if you don't link up for Marriage Monday, I encourage you to check out e-mom's list of reasons why writing about marriage changes things. It's great!! (well, minus #4, I'm kind of anti-venting, Eph. 4:29)
After reading through e-mom's list, I was just reminded why I started Mr. Monday's in the first place. I started doing Mr. Monday because I LOVE Mr. Amazing, and Marriage Monday over at Chrysalis is only twice a month. It just wasn't enough! And, while every 1st and 3rd Monday is Marriage Monday, it isn't always writing about your Mr. and, I like writing about my Mr. :D
So each Monday I began posting something about Mr. Amazing. (I am contemplating having him make a button for me... but at this point there isn't one.) It has just been wonderful! It's so fantastic just to spend time each week writing down how amazing my husband is. Even on day's when we don't get along, he is still fantastic, and it's good to remember that. It helps me to meditate on what Scripture has to say about being a godly wife, and also a great reminder that no one is perfect, and God's grace covers all imperfections. The bottom line? I love Mr. Mondays! :D
If you would like to join me, all you have to do is start referring to your husband a Mr. ______. The point is that if you call him that, then you will start seeing him that way (and I have totally found this to be true!). I have started calling my husband Mr. Amazing (and he is sooo amazing!), so will you join me in referring to your husband as Mr.______(good name)?
"Mr. Monday" -- I love it! Can't wait to add the button to my blog! ;-)
ReplyDeleteMy husband has been "Mr. Incredible" since the movie came out -- partly because he really IS "Monsieur Incroyable" and partly because he "works alone."
This kind of championing our husbands can only have a positive impact on our in-law relationships. Now that our kids are in college and I can no longer impress my in-laws by showing up with cute children, I'm shifting my focus to making sure they see/hear a contented man whenever they get together with their son.
That's fantastic, Cheri! Loving our husbands is so fun! :D
ReplyDeleteHa ha! I like this line of thinking! I'll have to give it a try. Hmmm, Mr. ... what shall I call him? I'm going to think on this one, because it's got to be good! Thanks for the inspiring idea. :)
ReplyDeleteHello Heather, visiting from Marriage Monday. I really like this idea of yours.. sometimes its so easy to focus on the negatives in our spouses and I've found in the last two years that if I intentionally focus on his good points, the rest sort of blur.. sort of.. (I still roll my eyes when he leaves his stuff lying around lol!) I'll be checking out your Mr Mondays.. really great idea!
ReplyDeleteSo nice to meet you.. God bless!
Really liked this post.
ReplyDeleteHi Heather!
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm glad you're excited about your husband and writing about marriage. The topics are endless, and there are plenty of women who need encouragement in their marriages.
I appreciate your thoughts about being a helpmate to our husbands. Many wives forget that and prioritize their children, careers, or outside ministries.
A man who feels completely supported by his wife is less likely to prefer his mother over her. Everyone wins!
Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today.
Blessings,
e-Mom ღ
So I know this is Marriage Monday and we're waxing poetic about our Mr. Wonderfuls and all, but your comment about being anti-venting intrigued me. I've been thinking lots about that lately, trying to decide if "venting" is really necessary. I'd love your insight. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteTami, I do my best not to vent. I personally have been convicted that venting goes against Ephesians 4:29. It's usually not very wholesome and isn't meant to build anyone up. In fact, it is actually usually just expressing our selfish nature, and a lot of times it is during venting that we say things that we don't really mean and end up hurting others. And then we usually vent to people who aren't involved and it can quickly turn into gossip :( I guess there are lots of reasons that I do my best to not vent, and encourage other moms to be weary of it as well. But as with everything, it has to be God that tells people whether it is right or wrong, I just know that for me, it doesn't seem like a biblical response. Does that make since?
ReplyDeleteAs you left a comment in my post, now I see what you mean that your sister's marriage was ruined by a MIL's interference. It's God who admonishes men (also women) to leave their parents to establish their marital bond.
ReplyDeleteI love your idea of calling our husbands Mr. ______. Hmmmm, it looks like it will be directing us to focus on his strengths!
I agree with you believe in putting one another first. It helps us love our parents and inlaws more if we understand how to love them properly and that means boundries.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your sisters previous marriage. Blessings from MM!
ReplyDelete