Thursday, May 5, 2011

Confessions of a housewife wannabe

Mama’s Losin’ It

I must say that the prompts for Mama Kat's writer's workshop this week were all amazing! So many memories from long ago were brought back, and I probably could have written a ton about all of them! Check them out for yourselves, and see if you can resist writing about them:

1.) A memorable high school job.
2.) That time you ran away from home.
3.) A boy you had a crush on...where is he now?
4.) Ode to your mother...write about a special memory you have of your mom in honor of Mother's Day.
5.) 10 reasons why you could not be a real housewife from any county.

While I was tempted to just write 5 different posts, or write about each prompt in one post, I finally narrowed it down to the one that best fit my blog. Prompt #5: 10 reasons why I could not be a real housewife from any county.

The first thing I should tell you is that I am a housewife. Or in more modern terms I am a full time stay at home, work at home, homeschooling mom. So why couldn't I be considered a "real" housewife? I think it comes down to the picture that word brings into my head. When someone says they are a housewife, I instantly think of something like the Brady Bunch. A mom who puts all she is into her family and the keeping of their home, and does it perfectly. So with that picture now firmly planted in your head, the only reason that I'm not a real housewife is because I don't have a maid named Alice. I'm sure that would solve the problem...

Okay, probably not. All joking aside, I have to look to the Proverbs 31 woman. She is the PERFECT woman, the perfect housewife. Pondering on her character (okay, and a little bit on the Brady Bunch) here are my 10 reasons that I could not be considered a "real" housewife.

Reason #1: I am far from perfect. My house is usually a mess, despite my never ending efforts to keep it clean, I don't have a maid named Alice... Even the Proverbs 31 woman had help keeping her home clean.

Which leads me to reason #2: I cook pre-made meals. GASP! I know, it's horrible, but true. I would love to cook nothing but homemade, healthy food for my family. However, as I already mentioned, my house is rarely ever clean, and that includes my kitchen. I mean, have you ever tried to cook a four course meal in a messy kitchen? Yeah, it doesn't work to well. It goes back to not having a maid named Alice. I need her here to clean my kitchen and cook for the family at least twice a day. I do enjoy cooking, I just have four kids that I am trying to teach and work that needs to be done, and of course a blog that needs to be written... Thus, as I write this in my messy kitchen, I am cooking a frozen pizza. So you see, I could never be a real housewife.

Thinking about food brings me to Reason #3: My children are always a mess. I have no idea how anyone can keep clean, presentable clothing on 4 small children! If I can actually get my children to keep their clothes on, they insist on either playing in the dirt or spilling food or drink all over themselves. And just the thought of them having clean faces, hands and hair brushed or pulled up makes me want to laugh (you know that laugh that turns into a cry, because it's something that you would love to happen, but know never will... yeah, that laugh. ).

Reason #4: I always picture real housewives smiling and laughing with their perfect children... My children aren't perfect, and I'm not always smiling at them... I love them, that isn't the issue. But faithful instruction isn't always on my tongue and my words are not always words of wisdom. I'm sure any other stay at home, work at home, homeschooling moms can understand this. And any of you who can't, don't judge me, I'm not proud of it, but it's honesty that counts, right?

Reason #5: After the first 4 reasons, I'm sure it will come to no surprise to you that I am not a perfect wife. While my husband 100% supports me in all I do, and has confidence in me, I wouldn't say I get anything right. I often forget to do something that he asks me to do. Like watering the plants, or feeding the fish... And on occasion, I even sleep in and he has to get his own breakfast and put together his own lunch to take with him to work. He doesn't complain, but they are things that I think that a real housewife would always do (or at least assign to her maid named Alice).

Reason #6: I don't always get up before the sun comes up... I blame this on my children not sleeping through the night, and of course my dog who is old and insists on being let out 3 times each night... When I don't get to sleep at night, I have to sleep sometime, but of course, a real housewife would be able to function on 3 hours of sleep. Me, I need more.

Reason #7: While I know how to sew, I buy clothing, bedding, and other cloth items from the store. I could probably sew my own if I had time (and maybe a few formal lessons as I'm not very good). Maybe if I had a maid named Alice, I could take some classes on sewing more complex things while she cooked and cleaned and herded the children...

Reason #8: My children don't wake up and tell me how wonderfully blessed I am. Usually their first words in the morning are "I'm hungry". They don't think I'm blessed at all, they just think I'm their servant. A real housewife would have children that at least respected her, and probably listened to her as well... Maybe even cared about her feelings??? But then, that might be pushing it a little...

Reason #9: I really think that real housewives are always ready for company. If someone knocked on the door at 6am or 10pm, I think that real housewives would be ready to answer, fully dress, hair done, and smiling. I don't always get dressed before noon, and I'm often in my p.j.'s at 7pm with the kids. Not only is my house not always ready for company (see reason #1), but I'm not either. I would love company, and I would never turn anyone away, but they might find me in pajamas or clothes that are only worn for cleaning the house.

And last but not least is reason #10: I eat the bread of idleness. I don't always set about my tasks vigorously, and there are even times when I am just worn out and need to do nothing for a minute or 30. Of course a real housewife wouldn't need to stop and rest. Real housewives are like little energizer bunnies! They just keep going and going and going...

So it's quite obvious that I could never be a real housewife... well, at least not without a maid named Alice.

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

~Proverbs 31:10-31


  1. I think everything you listed absolutely makes you a REAL housewife!

  2. I agree with Minivan Mama. Based on this list you are a real housewife instead of some made up TV character.

  3. i agree. i'd never be a housewife if i had to be perfect. not gonna happen.

  4. We could all use an Alice...Visiting from Mama Kat's!

  5. Pretty sure all you listed is what makes you a housewife...just not one on tv!

  6. I loved this post!! When you find a maid named Alice could you send her my way? :P